Understanding ADHD: More Than Just Symptoms
ADHD (Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder) is often misunderstood, not just by those who experience it, but also by their loved ones and partners. This article highlights the complexity of ADHD and its ripple effects on relationships, offering a pathway to better understanding and support for everyone involved.
The Struggles of Living with ADHD
As someone who was diagnosed with ADHD later in life, I’ve faced my share of challenges growing up and navigating the areas of life that mattered most to me. These struggles shaped who I am today—not just as an individual but also as a mental health counselor who works closely with clients facing similar hurdles.
Many of my clients come to therapy overwhelmed, believing something is inherently “wrong” with them. This is especially true for clients whose partners or spouses may not fully understand ADHD and its impact. Behaviors like forgetfulness, hyperfocus, absentmindedness, or even anger outbursts can be frustrating for partners. However, these behaviors are not intentional or personal attacks.
That said, ADHD should never be used as an excuse for harmful or abusive behavior. A healthy relationship is about understanding and mutual effort.
How Understanding Changes Everything
In my personal experience, my spouse took the time to research ADHD and its many facets, discovering that it’s much more than inattentiveness. By learning about the disorder and its complexities, she was able to separate my behaviors from my intentions. This shift in understanding allowed her to respond with empathy rather than frustration.
On my end, I had to embrace her help and recognize that her support wasn’t criticism. She wasn’t telling me I was “wrong” but offering tools to manage my symptoms. This mutual understanding transformed our relationship and strengthened our connection.
Therapy for ADHD: Going Beyond the Symptoms
Many clients seek therapy believing that addressing ADHD symptoms—forgetfulness, inattention, or disorganization—will “fix” their struggles. However, what I’ve found in my practice is that these symptoms are often not the core issue. Instead, we focus on the deeper emotional wounds that ADHD tends to create over time:
Low self-esteem
Perfectionism
Feelings of inadequacy or “not being good enough”
These emotional struggles hurt the most and significantly impact how my clients view themselves and their relationships. By working on these foundational issues first, we often see ADHD symptoms become more manageable over time. Building confidence, self-worth, and resilience lays the groundwork for lasting change.
A Journey of Growth
Living with ADHD—and loving someone with ADHD—is a journey. It requires patience, understanding, and a commitment to growth on both sides. Whether you are personally navigating ADHD or supporting someone who is, resources like this article can be a great starting point for fostering understanding and compassion.
No one should feel alone in their journey. Therapy offers a safe space to explore these challenges, build self-awareness, and create a life where ADHD doesn’t define you but empowers you.